Apologies for missing yesterday. I got super busy at work!
My relationship I have now is the healthiest I have ever been in. In high school, I had several crazy relationships – and that’s putting it lightly. I dated a couple of people that were just plain bad for me. I was depressed, stressed, and in a never-ending fight most of the time with these people.
I’ve been with my fiancee Julie for over three years at this point. We met in college when we took meteorology together in 2014, and then history class in 2015. We started dating in March of 2015. We just recently got engaged in March of this year.
The biggest thing that I have been working on improving upon in my relationship with Julie is making sure I express gratitude for the things she does and that I have a genuine interest in the things she does. There’s not many people in my group of friends or my family that take the time to try and understand the things that I do in my career at a deeper level than just asking “what do you do for a living?”. Julie is absolutely one of those people. She asks technical questions about the code I write or the platform I’m working on at work, is excited to learn more about the programs and applications I am contributing to, and is always excited to talk about the stuff I do. It’s amazing to have someone that does that for you.
Unfortunately, I don’t always return the favor. It’s not that I don’t have interest, it’s just I don’t think about asking. I have a hard time paying attention to long stories regardless of the context, which makes it hard for me to focus on the story she tells of her day, who she got to interact with, her successes, and her frustrations. My mind’s habit is to immediately say whatever is on my phone is more important than a conversation that is sitting in front of me just waiting for me to start it.
My mind’s habit is to immediately say whatever is on my phone is more important than a conversation that is sitting in front of me just waiting for me to start it.
I have trouble doing this with a lot of people. I’ll check out during a conversation, but sometimes it is okay. In this case, it most definitely isn’t. I have realized I do this recently, and I try to make it a point to ask about her day every day. I can do more, though. I can make an effort to remember the things she tells me about the kids she gets to work with, or ask about the things that she talked about last week that she was super excited about accomplishing. It shouldn’t be a conversation that gets blown away in the wind – it should be something important that we can both share as an integral part of our relationship. She consistently does this for me, and now it is my turn to step up to the plate and return the favor.